dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
Randomize
