I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
Randomize
