Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
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