allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
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