i'm lost and i look like a hooker
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
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