I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
