is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
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