i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
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