Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
i have a lot of questions about the picture quality/lighting/motion/gravity of the balls...
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
Randomize
