I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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