Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
Randomize
