he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
Randomize
