I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
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