I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
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