think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
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