I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
Randomize
