I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
Randomize
