Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
Randomize
