i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
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