Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
Make me a promise>>> if you ever see the brats from that tv show NYC Prep walking around, you will trip them, and you wil throw drinks on them
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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