I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize
