I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
Randomize
