it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
Randomize
