So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
Why did my mother make you get naked?
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
