i'm signing you up for texting rehab
he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
Randomize
