You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
can a guy be partially circumsized? cause i dont exactly know what i was lookng at...
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
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