I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
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