i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
Use "feeling words"
Yay
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
Randomize
