operation harelip BJ is a go
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
FUCK WHALES
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
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