awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
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