tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
Randomize
