Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
Randomize
