CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
Randomize
