We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Randomize
