u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
You're earring is so big in my mouth
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
Randomize
