Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
This is some kinda fucked up sordid doggy brothel peepshow bullshit.
you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Randomize
