R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
Randomize
