Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
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