apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
Randomize
