Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
Randomize
