Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
Randomize
