i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
Randomize
