I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
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