everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
Randomize
