Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
Randomize
