Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
Randomize
