I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
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