if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
Randomize
