what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
Today in class was pretty awsome. I dont feel like i have to throw up and im actually paying attention. This is a first for friday
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
Randomize
