yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
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